I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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