That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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