can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
