I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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