The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am naked and annoyed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
