Betty ford says i'm here all night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
