I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
