I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
