I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
