She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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