They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
