Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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