I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
