as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
