Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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