I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
