My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
