and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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