I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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