I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
