I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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