Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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