just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
