i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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