I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
