Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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