So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
