Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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