My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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