I hate your face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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