well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
