Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
