I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
