and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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