what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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