I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
