I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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