Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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