I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
