Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
