Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
