This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
