Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
