After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im on a boat
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