Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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