Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
