hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
high people should be assigned attendants
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
