So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
