Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And then he peed in my hair
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