mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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