i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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